Yesterday, I recorded a video in which I shared that I was starting over.
What does that mean, and why am I starting over?
Because I’m now six weeks away from the Zion 100 and my body is revolting, and it’s because my mind lost control of my daily habits.
The past week and a half have been a tough slog on the training front. Going back to the Wednesday before last, a speed workout ripped my legs to shreds. I was so sore that I needed an impromptu midweek rest day. Two heavy lifting sessions, including max weight deadlifts on Friday and max weight shoulder presses on Saturday, revealed their consequences.
I toiled through my long run on Sunday morning – my hamstrings felt like frozen piano cords. By Monday, I was sensing a tendon tear near my pubic bone on my right leg. Tuesday morning, I headed out for an early AM run only to be hamstrung by my left hamstring, struggling just to get myself home while preventing it from tearing completely.
I’d label last week’s training regimen “maintenance” at best, and more likely, it was more like “slowing the pace of attrition.” Monday’s workout was medication for an anxiety-ridden day. Tuesday was the unpleasant morning run. Wednesday and Thursday were self-prescribed rest days. Friday and Saturday were garage workout days to avoid any injury that would prevent me from reaching the Zion 100 starting line.
While my training load decreased, my diet got worse. Last Saturday, I demolished a sticky bun at the Farmer’s Market – a mental breach of the dam. I was using food to cope with stress. Lena had been away for a couple of days and I was feeling the effects of a week of after-school pick-ups, daily meal prep, and evening after-dinner bedtime routines.
In the week that followed, I nibbled on dark chocolate squares, munched on leftover mac and cheese, then scarfed Girl Scout cookies while working late on Friday night. Saturday’s burger-fries-beer combo (along with demolishing the last of my son’s chicken fingers…) and the frozen yogurt covered with Heath bar crumbles were the final blows.
So Sunday morning, after seeing 190 lbs on the scale (my ideal racing weight is 182-183 lbs), I decided that I was giving myself permission to start over – an act of acceptance for where I was and an act of forgiveness for the last week and a half. With six weeks to go, I’ve got enough time to reset and push through on last training cycle before Zion.
I took my time with a slow run to introduce my legs just feel the motion of running again. After the run, I decided I would fast for the day. I’ve experimented with some intermittent fasting recently to reduce total calories – skipping breakfast and keeping to a very light lunch – but that led to overeating at dinner and still reaching 3500+ calories in the day. Not good.
Yesterday, I fasted all day through dinner – a day that included house cleaning and a trip to IKEA as a true test of my resolve. I kept dinner disciplined, consuming less that 1500 calories for the day. Throughout the day, I drank a lot of water and a couple of hot tea drinks in the afternoon to stave off the feelings of hunger.
This morning, I awoke at 4am to head down to Palo Alto for the day, and so far I’ve had only coffee with just a bit of coconut oil and water infused with apple cider vinegar and sea salt. It’s past 8am now, and my plan is to go the whole day without food until I get home this afternoon. I feel a little jittery from the coffee, so it’ll be interesting to see how this workshop goes today… 🙂
This is all in an effort to reset my mental dependence on food as medicine for stress relief, and to give my body a chance to clean out the deposits of gunk and grime that I feel like are jamming up my joints and muscles. I dropped to under 50 net carbs daily throughout most of January, and in the past, when I drop carb intake, I feel a reduction in inflammation throughout my body.
I remember during the Tahoe 200, when I was feeling at my absolute worst with aching legs, I decided that I would not let my body rule me – that I would be in control – that I would decide how to respond to my situation. This week, I’m choosing this again. This is a choice to restore to myself to a place where my mind rules over my body. (Check out “When it starts to hurt, pick up the pace.”).
So I’m starting over this week. Maybe today, this choice will prove too difficult and I’ll decide to eat, or later this week I’ll end up injuring myself on a training run. If I do, I’ll give myself to start over again.