Category Archives: Life stuff

See the Demons; Feel the Demons; Resist the Demons – Just Keep Moving

Posted on March 30, 2018 by | Leave a comment

The Demons emerge weeks before the race – “Will I be ready?”

The Demons assemble when the clock reads 5:43am and the thermostat informs me that it’s 38 degrees outside. I’m standing in my pajamas about to change and step into the garage for a workout of deadlifts, pull-ups and burpees.

The Demons amass when the alarm buzzes at 4:30am on race day morning – “Am I really going to scrape myself out of bed for this today?”

The Demons chuckle when you arrive to the race site and start gearing up – “Can I just go back to my car and go home?”

The Demons snicker at the starting line – “Will I need to pull a DNF out there?”

The Demons remind you that turning back is always an option – that you don’t have to go another step; that you can just wait at the aid station; that you can quit any time.

The Demons clutch your muscles – gripping your quads, your calves, your feet. They lodge in your brain and attack like a virus.

The Demons blazed at 2:00am on Day 1 of the Tahoe 200. I’d been moving for 17 hours already – by far the longest I’d ever gone in a single go – slogging up a 2000’ climb behind a English guy I latched onto as my unofficial pacer.

Trudge, trudge, trudge.

Grind, grind, grind.

I was tired and frustrated and out of water. The Demons laughed – “What happened to the water station they promised back at Mile 50? Where the hell is the peak of this climb? When the fuck am I going to get to the Sierra-at-Tahoe rest stop? What the fuck am I doing out here?”

Then English Guy broke the silence to join forces with the Demons – “Ne’er ending, itn’t it?”

Even when you know you’re going to finish, the Demons whisper – “You’re not going to hit you goal time. You might as well slow down. Stop trying so damn hard.”

The Demons persist when you’re making that last push in the final miles – “You’re more than two hours behind the leaders. No one cares about your time. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. A finish is a finish. Just walk. No one will care.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s a 200-mile race or box jump #14 in a set of 100. They ask – “Am I really putting myself through this?”

You can never beat the Demons. You can’t exterminate them. You don’t have to. They’re there, and they’ll always be there.

They strengthen with the immobility of fear and doubt and worry – they want you to stop. They need you to stop.

They fear the moment you decide to do something hard. They panic when you decide to keep moving forward.

Motion stuns them.

Movement debilitates them.

Progress starves them.

See them, feel them and resist them.

Just keep moving.

 

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This is the hard part #gofarther

Posted on March 7, 2018 by | Leave a comment

Day 7 of my 31-day writing challenge – a self-imposed challenge to write for one hour every day for 31 days.

It’s the lunchtime break at the workshop. I have exactly 65 minutes before we start the afternoon sessions. Everyone else headed to The Cheesecake Factory, and I’m choosing to spend this time sitting in the hotel lobby to fulfill my daily writing commitment. As much as I don’t feel like it now, I know I won’t feel like it later.

I’ve got plenty of excuses to skip today, some of them are even borderline legitimate.

I’m hungry. It’s Day 4 of my daytime fasting experiment to help my body fat-adapt and to lose a few pounds I let pile up last week. I’ve eaten 5500 calories over the past four days. That’s one day for me when I’m in heavy-duty training mode.

I’m tired. I slept four hours last night, rolling out of bed at up a 4:15am for a 6am flight. I’m mentally depleted – I know this because I took a Lyft from LAX to all the way to Santa Monica before realizing that I needed to be Redondo Beach instead. That was awesome.

I’m now without an executive assistant because she resigned this morning. I understand her decision, and I’m in full support, yet someone that doesn’t make the magic elves appear to check off the unfinished tasks that need attention.

I’d rather be eating with the rest of group at The Cheesecake Factory.

I’d like to take a nap.

I need to spend time working on company tasks and recruiting a replacement EA.

But somehow all of that can wait because I made this commitment to myself. That’s the magic in throwing this challenge at myself and when I’m done this writing block, I’ll have words on the page.

I knew it would hard. My schedule is my schedule. Life is life. No day is perfect.

That’s the magic of commitment, and the purpose of this challenge to myself. I wanted to see how I could manufacture the time to do that which brings me joy: Write every day.

It’s is forcing me to concentrate, forcing me to adapt, forcing me to do the best I can with whatever haymakers come next. These conditions are my choice – I could have changed my flight. I could eat the tin of sardines and chomp on the energy bar sitting in my backpack. I could have built a backup system for the work that needs to be done.

I tell myself that this will make me stronger and more tolerant. I imagine this will aid my training and strengthen my mindset for the next time I’m on the trail, miles from the next aid station low on water with aching quads and a turning stomach.

But maybe this thinking is just absurd and I should eat lunch or take a nap. But I don’t, and I won’t, because this is important to me – to stretch myself a little longer, a little farther.

Given everything, I’m surprised I don’t feel worse. I’m here, awake, sitting and writing, and that brings me joy.

Go farther.

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Giving my Self permission to start over #gofarther

Posted on March 5, 2018 by | Leave a comment

Yesterday, I recorded a video in which I shared that I was starting over.

What does that mean, and why am I starting over?

Because I’m now six weeks away from the Zion 100 and my body is revolting, and it’s because my mind lost control of my daily habits.

The past week and a half have been a tough slog on the training front. Going back to the Wednesday before last, a speed workout ripped my legs to shreds. I was so sore that I needed an impromptu midweek rest day. Two heavy lifting sessions, including max weight deadlifts on Friday and max weight shoulder presses on Saturday, revealed their consequences.

I toiled through my long run on Sunday morning – my hamstrings felt like frozen piano cords.  By Monday, I was sensing a tendon tear near my pubic bone on my right leg. Tuesday morning, I headed out for an early AM run only to be hamstrung by my left hamstring, struggling just to get myself home while preventing it from tearing completely.

I’d label last week’s training regimen “maintenance” at best, and more likely, it was more like “slowing the pace of attrition.” Monday’s workout was medication for an anxiety-ridden day. Tuesday was the unpleasant morning run. Wednesday and Thursday were self-prescribed rest days. Friday and Saturday were garage workout days to avoid any injury that would prevent me from reaching the Zion 100 starting line.

While my training load decreased, my diet got worse. Last Saturday, I demolished a sticky bun at the Farmer’s Market – a mental breach of the dam. I was using food to cope with stress. Lena had been away for a couple of days and I was feeling the effects of a week of after-school pick-ups, daily meal prep, and evening after-dinner bedtime routines.

In the week that followed, I nibbled on dark chocolate squares, munched on leftover mac and cheese, then scarfed Girl Scout cookies while working late on Friday night. Saturday’s burger-fries-beer combo (along with demolishing the last of my son’s chicken fingers…) and the frozen yogurt covered with Heath bar crumbles were the final blows.

So Sunday morning, after seeing 190 lbs on the scale (my ideal racing weight is 182-183 lbs), I decided that I was giving myself permission to start over – an act of acceptance for where I was and an act of forgiveness for the last week and a half. With six weeks to go, I’ve got enough time to reset and push through on last training cycle before Zion.

I took my time with a slow run to introduce my legs just feel the motion of running again. After the run, I decided I would fast for the day. I’ve experimented with some intermittent fasting recently to reduce total calories – skipping breakfast and keeping to a very light lunch – but that led to overeating at dinner and still reaching 3500+ calories in the day. Not good.

Yesterday, I fasted all day through dinner – a day that included house cleaning and a trip to IKEA as a true test of my resolve. I kept dinner disciplined, consuming less that 1500 calories for the day. Throughout the day, I drank a lot of water and a couple of hot tea drinks in the afternoon to stave off the feelings of hunger.

This morning, I awoke at 4am to head down to Palo Alto for the day, and so far I’ve had only coffee with just a bit of coconut oil and water infused with apple cider vinegar and sea salt. It’s past 8am now, and my plan is to go the whole day without food until I get home this afternoon. I feel a little jittery from the coffee, so it’ll be interesting to see how this workshop goes today… 🙂

This is all in an effort to reset my mental dependence on food as medicine for stress relief, and to give my body a chance to clean out the deposits of gunk and grime that I feel like are jamming up my joints and muscles. I dropped to under 50 net carbs daily throughout most of January, and in the past, when I drop carb intake, I feel a reduction in inflammation throughout my body.

I remember during the Tahoe 200, when I was feeling at my absolute worst with aching legs, I decided that I would not let my body rule me – that I would be in control – that I would decide how to respond to my situation. This week, I’m choosing this again. This is a choice to restore to myself to a place where my mind rules over my body. (Check out “When it starts to hurt, pick up the pace.”).

So I’m starting over this week. Maybe today, this choice will prove too difficult and I’ll decide to eat, or later this week I’ll end up injuring myself on a training run. If I do, I’ll give myself to start over again.

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Back on the trail! #RunningforRefugees #GoFarther

Posted on October 19, 2017 by | Leave a comment

Quick note… I have a special announcement coming about the #RunningforRefugees that will give you and your friends a little extra motivation to contribute… Stay tuned for more.

In the mean time, if you’d like to donate or know a friend that would like to support the cause, here’s the link to the campaign page on the Mercy Corps website.

_________

All my best ideas come from Lena.  She came home from work last week asking me if Tara got in touch with me.

“No, why?”

“She’s looking for a pacer for 100 she’s doing.”

“Which one?”

“Not sure, but it’s at the end of October.”

 

After exchanging a few emails and finding a reasonable flight to Phoenix, I’m now booked as Tara’s pacer to pull her home over the last 40 miles. This is how these things go…

The Javelina 100 is a Western States Qualifier, 4-point qualifier for the UMTB and an entry race for the Patagonia Run in Argentina. Lots of leverage for one race. But… seeing how far Arizona is from here, Tara was finding a dearth of pacers available.

It’s been less than six week since the Tahoe 200, and it’s already starting to feel like it was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

My recovery time was remarkably short. Aside from swollen ankles and a mild case of plantar fasciitas, I was back to normal in just a few days. Muscularly I felt really strong with no soreness or injury.

As is the norm, I took a few days to gorge on Peanut M&Ms, pizza, and pretty much whatever food I felt inclined to consume, but most of all, I was back doing light workouts right away and I started running about a week later.

The post-race glow had me thinking about knocking out a 100-miler this year. More so, I got in my mind that now that I’ve knocked out a trail marathon, 50k, 60k and 200-miler since May this year, why not knock out a 50-miler, 100k and 100-miler between now and next May to complete the full compliment of ultras in a calendar year?

Finding a race before the end of 2017 proved tough. The races left don’t work well with my schedule – they all fall on weekends after weeks when I’m traveling, or on weekends when we have other family plans, or they’re just a little too far away to knock out in a day trip. I don’t want to force races into my calendar. Every race should be a fun event. I even got accepted from the wait-list for Rio Del Lago, but logic got the best of me and I declined the invitation.

Javelina 100 is October 28-29. I arrive on Friday, and I’ll be pacing Tara through the night hours and I gotta say, I’m pretty damn excited to view the sun set over the desert, run under the night sky and then watch the sunrise the on Sunday morning. The last time I watched the sunrise over the desert was in the Mojave Desert during Uberman. 

Most of all, it’s a chance to pay it back to the people that have helped me over the years – my crews, pacers and the innumerable volunteers that helped me along the way in every race, from local 10-milers and sprint triathlons to my three Ironmans to the recent Tahoe 200.

Of course, it’s not exactly torture to be out there running. It brings me joy to experience these races, and the planning and discipline to train and prepare is something I’ve learned is a necessary in my life.

So here I go, ramping up my training regimen. Two weeks ago, I had to break entirely from training for five straight days because of a stomach bug that left me with low-grade nausea every day for two weeks and an insane, self-inflicted work schedule.

That is all behind me and last week kickstarted a more serious training schedule. This week has been even better with a strong run on Tuesday, a rigorous lifting and Cross-Fit workout yesterday, followed by my plan of run-lift-run-run over the next four days through Sunday, all designed to sharpen me up and get back my racing edge.

And finally, it’s a chance to resurface my #RunningforRefugees Campaign!

With your help, we’ve raised close to $3000 so far, and I’m keeping the campaign going until we reach the original target of $20,550 that I set before the Tahoe 200.

If you’d like to donate, or know a friend that would like to help, here’s the link to the campaign page on the Mercy Corps website.

Remember… I have a special announcement coming about the #RunningforRefugees that will give you and your friends a little extra motivation to contribute… Stay tuned for more.

 

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Running for Syria: The Tahoe 200

Posted on August 31, 2017 by | Leave a comment

A few months ago, I tried to explain to my five-year-old son what’s happening right now in Syria.

“What if you couldn’t sleep at night because we didn’t have a home? What if you couldn’t go outside because there were bullets and explosions everywhere? What if something happened to mommy, or you, or me and we were separated and couldn’t find each other?”

This is real. But go to any news outlet and you’ll read or hear almost nothing about the crisis.

CLICK HERE  to learn how you can help us.

On September 8th, I’ll be embarking on a personal adventure – something I choose to do, something I want to do, something I pay to do.

I’ll begin The Tahoe 200 – a 200-mile foot race circumnavigating Lake Tahoe with 80,000′ of elevation change over four days. I’ll enjoy the luxury of aid stations stocked with water, food, medical help and and sleeping quarters. I’ll have a crew to help me with trivial problems like blisters and lack of sleep. Long slow climbs up to 9000′ peaks will reward me with postcard vistas of late summer in the alpines.

Even with this support and these rewards, there will be times when I won’t want to go on or feel like I can’t go on. I have that choice.

But millions of people in Syria right now do not have a choice. They have to keep moving. They have to keep running. They have to keep searching for shelter and safety.

CLICK HERE  to learn how you can help us.

Imagine fleeing your home with only the clothes on your back, fearing for your life as you journey to the border, and arrive in a foreign country. You have no idea where you will live or what you will eat.

That’s the reality for millions of Syrians, half of them under 18, who are fleeing the violent civil war in their country.

The scale of Syria’s humanitarian crisis is astonishing — 11 million people, half of the country’s pre-war population, have been forced from their homes and 250,000 have died since the war began in 2011. They need our help to get through the worst humanitarian crisis of our time.

Every dollar we contribute makes a powerful difference in the lives of these courageous children and families. Now, and for the future. Please join me by making a gift today — Syrians are counting on our support.

Mercy Corps has been on the ground working since August 2012 and has one of the largest humanitarian operations inside Syria. Their staff put their lives in danger every day to deliver lifesaving food and relief to children and families trapped inside Syria, but supplies are quickly dwindling.

In surrounding countries, they are also distributing emergency food and supplies, improving access to clean water, providing activities and counseling to help children feel safe again, and helping refugees and host communities learn how to work together. And they’ll be there until families can safely return home.

  • $11 can provide a family of 6 with a month’s supply of bread
  • $30 can help give 50 families access to clean water
  • $75 helps provide two refugees with an emergency food kit containing bread, spices, oil, meat and vegetables
  • $210 provides an emergency kit for a Syrian family that includes blankets, hygiene supplies, water and cooking tools

Together, we can help families survive this terrible crisis.

CLICK HERE  to learn how you can help us.

Thank you!

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The Tahoe 200: I’m in! #GoFarther

Posted on August 17, 2017 by | Leave a comment

Here’s the race link for The Tahoe 200. 205.5 miles by foot around Lake Tahoe. 40,000′ of climbing, 80,000′ of total elevation changes. 100 hours.

I see no downside to trying

It’s like paying for a class. Even if I don’t finish, I’ll learn a helluva lot about trail running, new equipment, my body and the mental aspect of ultra-running.

And what if I do finish? It’s absolutely possible and I’ll toe the line with every intention of doing just that. But if I don’t, that’s okay too. You can only succeed if you give yourself permission to fail.

I am very, very fit right now. Discipline is freedom. By putting in the effort these past few months, I feel ready to give it a shot. I’ve spent the summer training hard and pushing the hills during my time in Portland, seeing the benefits in my 60k time at The Ridge last weekend. I’m lifting and Cross-Fitting regularly. My endurance engine is built.  I feel confident enough to start, so I will.

How did this happen?

I was registered for the Badger Mountain 100 back in March, but that race got pushed because of recurring hamstring injuries. In May, I ran a very good 50k to prove my injury recovery to myself.

After volunteering at the Western States 100 in June, I was even more convinced that I wanted to run that race at some point.  I had locked into the Pine to Palms 100 – a WS qualifier – in September to knock off the 100 from my endurance event to-do list, but with the five-hour drive from home, camping, the point-to-point race course and general lack of available pacers among my friends, it was becoming clear I wouldn’t be able to pull what I needed together for that race.

My thoughts turned to Rio Del Lago 100 in November – it’s local and a WS qualifier – but November is three months away and I wasn’t keen on continuing my training for that long. I could scale back and maintain where I was, but I felt mentally ready for a race sooner than later.

About a week ago, laying in bed, I started searching for other ultras in the area, whether they be Western States qualifiers or not. I came across a bevy of gnarly races – the Euchre Bar Massacre, the New Year’s One Day, the Bay Ridge Endurance Runs and the Headlands 50/75/100.

Then I found it – the Tahoe 200. Something about the course and the event made it feel more genuine to me. It was the same weekend as P2P – just four weeks away. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling thinking about the race when Lena walked in.

Lena: “What’s up?”

Me: “I found the race I want to do. It’s called the Tahoe 200. It’s 200 miles circumnavigating Lake Tahoe. And there are still spots available for this year!”

Lena: “Um… of course there are still spots open. If you want to do it, then you should do it.”

I am the luckiest man in the world. Ever.

That was it. After a week of research, I registered. I’m in.

One of my mantras is “Just Start.” Get yourself in position to start whatever endeavor you want and see where it takes you. Yes, there is always more to prepare and always more to learn, but implementing is learning.

More on why the Tahoe 200…

  • The Course: The uniqueness of circumnavigating Lake Tahoe seems oddly calming to me, and Lake Tahoe has become a special place for me since swimming across it last year and helping another swim cross this year. Before Uberman, I had mapped my own multi-day triathlon that included a length swim and circumnavigating Tahoe as part of the run course.
  • It’s a Multi-Day Event: Getting myself up and running after hitting the first sleep stations will be an interesting experience. I had some of this with Uberman, but with longer breaks between days and efforts from swim to bike and bike to run.
  • The 100-Hour Cut-off Time: This is a 2 mph pace. It’s not a race – it’s an adventure. It’s all about pacing and fueling. (Thank you to Max Wunderle for that advice.)
  • 40,000 feet of vertical climb: That’s 10,000’ higher than climbing Mt. Everest over a four-day stretch. Sounds good to me.
  • The first 62 miles: No pacers are allowed for the first 62 miles and from what I’ve read, this is the toughest segment of the course. Just getting that segment done solo makes it the longest ultra distance I’ve run.
  • Race Support & Safety: After listening to the TrailRunner podcasts after last year’s race, it’s clear that race organizers go all out to support the race and are 100% focus

Potential Risks & Obstacles:

  • Altitude: Most of the trail is between 6500’ – 9000’. I’ve the Donner Lake half-iron triathlon at 6000’ and didn’t feel much in terms of altitude. The next 2000’ of altitude is a marked difference, though I think I can adjust with the right pacing.
  • Bears & Spiders: Not really.  ???? Like sharks in the Catalina Channel and rattlesnakes in Death Valley. They’re there, but not really…
  • Physical maladies: I could very well hurt myself. I could also get hit by a bus today in San Francisco or trip on the deck of Uno cards decorating my living room floor.
  • Preparation: My longest ultra-marathon is the 50-mile North Face Endurance Challenge three years ago. I’ve run a 50k and 60k this year, and of course there was the Uberman odyssey last year. But I know I am fit and strong right now, and listening to how others trained and executed on previous Tahoe 200 races, this is much about overall fitness and execution – much different than a 100 where I’d be looking at my pace constantly trying to break the 24 hour mark.
  • Time: The race starts in three weeks. I’ve got A LOT of new equipment to acquire and learn how to use like trekking sticks and a backpack. I’ll figure it out. I have to. I’m in.

Let’s do this.

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5 Lessons Learned from last night’s Portland Timbers match

Posted on July 6, 2017 by | Leave a comment

My sister scored tickets to last night’s the Portland Timbers match. Despite what I knew would be a fun and unique sporting experience, I was reluctant to go.

After short sleep because of July 4th fireworks Tuesday night and an early client call on Wednesday AM, I had a hilly 8-10 mile training run planned for the afternoon. Then I had to traverse across town to pick up my son from Summer Camp, drive him home, then head back downtown for the game. It all felt like a lot of friction.

Wow. I’m glad I said “yes.” After a huge effort, they finished with a 2-2 draw in one of the most exciting soccer matches I’ve ever watched.

I’m also glad I said “yes” because I not only enjoyed one helluva soccer match, but I learned from the experience watching a team relentless in their pursuit of a win when they had every reason to quit, or not even show up.

Here are my top five (5) lessons from last night’s Portland Timbers match:

1 – Never, ever mail it in, even when you have every reason to. 

Their team captain has been out for weeks and at least four other players are either slowed or are completely out because of injury.

Three players are pulling double duty, playing both for the Timbers and for their national soccers squads, representing the United States, Jamaica and Costa Rica.

The team just returned from a tough road game on Saturday where they drew against Kansas City – a team tied for first place in the Western Conference. Last night, the Timbers faced the Chicago Fire, the first-place team in the Eastern Conference and team that has gone unbeaten in its last ten matches.

After last night’s game, they have a two-week break before their next match.

They had every reason to give a half-ass effort and get to the break to rest and heal.

But they didn’t.

2 – Shit happens. Deal with it.

After taking a 1-0 lead in the 24’ on a penalty kick, they gave up a fluke goal from a crossing pass that skipped past the keeper – a goal that certainly will not make any highlight reels. But a goal is a goal and the match was tied.

In the second half, the Fire took a 2-1 lead on a shot that ricocheted off the crossbar and down across the goal line. The ball never even hit the back of the net.

3 – Keep pressing. 

With only 30 minutes to go before a two-week break and every excuse to tell themselves why they should lose the game, the Timbers never stopped pressing.

Check out the match stats: 7 offsides, 8 corner kicks, 24 shots, 9 shots on goal, 60% possession time.

When they responded with an equalizing goal in the 70th minute, I fully expected them to lay back and play for the draw – get the point and get to the break. Instead, they seemed to press even harder, attacking and counterattacking at every chance.

4 – Sometimes not losing feels as good as winning. 

Given the situation and obstacles in front of you, a non-negative outcome is completely acceptable sometimes – to play with intensity and enthusiasm for the full 90+ minutes.

To put forth a zealous for the win against all of the reasons to accept losing.

To be proud of your effort against whatever is causing resistance.

5 – Find your crowd.

We sat in the Timbers Army section, where fans stand and chant the ENTIRE game.

You could feel the energy pouring onto the field and watch the players respond. As the fast-paced match picked up speed in the second half, each time the players seemed to lose a little steam and escape a quick counterattack, they quickly recovered and pushed forward.

The players fed off of the crowd, and the crowd fed off of the players. 21,000 fans cheering their voice hoarse to feed the players energy past exhaustion to go for the win. The players responded, and in fact, scored a go-ahead goal in extra time that was waived off because of an off-sides call.

Thank you Portland Timbers (and Tbone!).

Expect me to be at Providence Stadium on July 19th…

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If I died today, would I be okay with that? #GoFarther

Posted on April 24, 2017 by | Leave a comment

I think so. Where I am today versus last year and every year over the past ten years ago, is significant.

One year ago… I was now in my first month reliant on SalesQualia for a living – no more stipends from Blend or teaching paychecks from Hult.

Two years ago… I was just starting my transition plan from Blend to SalesQualia, working with a business coach every week to find my path and build my plan to leave the last job I’d ever have.

Three years ago… I was six months into my work with Blend, fighting depression.

Four years ago… I was thinking about how I could leave CoreLogic after spending a year there collecting a generous paycheck for doing not much of anything.

Five years ago… Benjamin was only two months old. We were six weeks out of the NICU. I was finishing my last week at Altos Research after five years of building the company from its earliest days.

Six years ago… I was firmly ensconced with training for Ironman #2 while in the middle of a potential acquisition of Altos that fell through the floor because I told the acquiring CEO the truth about what he could expect from me.

Seven years ago... I was two months away from Ironman #1 and thinking that I had time in my life to do pretty much anything I wanted.

Eight years ago… Lena was traveling to Africa for months on end, living in huts shared with cows and sleeping under mosquito nets.

Nine years ago… We were living in Oakland with Lena commuting to Davis via Amtrak 4-5 days a week.

Ten years ago this week… I started the path I’m on now – exiting my failed consulting company, deciding that 230 pounds was unacceptable and placing Life ahead of selfishness.

Today, Lena is a pilot and a PhD. Benjamin is healthy. My company is growing every day. I’ve knocked out three Ironmans and an Uberman. I wake up every day nearly 50 pounds lighter while physically, mentally and emotionally stronger.

To go from worrying about the next poker night to pondering if I’d be okay with dying today. That’s pretty good.

** This post was inspired by Tim Ferriss’s recent podcast with Cheryl Strayed.

 

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Can you deal with your dreck? #GoFarther

Posted on April 6, 2017 by | Leave a comment

Seth Godin says that there’s no such thing as writer’s block. You can type. You can write. So type and write. What writers call “writer’s block” is their unwillingness to deal with their dreck – the wretched writing that must be done to find the true gems.

Dealing with your dreck teaches you where and who you really are – what you really want.

My first novel is dreck. It’s so bad that I worked on it only once in five years. I want to trash it, but I know I can’t no matter how bad it is. I need to battle the dreck, only so that I can type the words “The End” and be done with it. Heck, this post feels like dreck to me right now. I started it on Tuesday morning, and I’m grinding through it now while sitting on kitchen floor at 6am.

My first company was dreck. After blowing through $150k in investment capital, my only significant project required me to shepherd a low-level Kazakhstani government bureaucrat around California and Canada to tour wheat research institutes.

My workouts lately have been dreck.  I’ve been fighting a hamstring injury and joint stiffness since mid-January. This past week, I’ve started to feel recovered, kicking up my running regimen and restarting my Cross-Fit workouts. Dreck. My breath is shallow and labored. My legs are heavy. My muscles ache.

This week I decided to go Keto for the month. I found myself pining for a banana and a chocolate square in the first three hours. Last night was dreck – home late from the Farmers Market and hungry for second dinner. Steamed lentils at 9pm aren’t as appetizing as they sound. Dreck.

All of it dreck, and all of it necessary to come out the other side better and stronger.

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Going Keto (for now). Here’s why…

Posted on April 3, 2017 by | Leave a comment

I don’t need to lose weight and I’m not pounding for Snickers bars or cookies every day. This is less about input (diet) and more about focus and attitude:

1 – Checking my own discipline

I’m already persnickety about my diet, yet I know I’ve been a little loose recently. Last Wednesday at the Farmer’s Market, I plowed through a plate of samosas and Naan. In the morning, I’m hovering over Benjamin’s plate for leftover pancakes and in the evening, I’ve been chowing the extra pasta or mac ’n cheese from his dinner. Throughout the day, I rely on fruit and nuts as snacks – apples, bananas, cashews, walnuts and sunflower seeds. I suspect I’m ingesting more calories than I need.

Work’s been busy of late, and often I consume calories as a way to address anxiety. I’m also eating haphazardly throughout the day. This leads to surprise calories and carbs that serve as short-term solutions for immediate appetite or mental apertures.

2 – Evening out my mood and energy levels

The local Whole Foods closed last month. It was two blocks from my office and I relied on it for lunch and snacks every day. There aren’t any good options for fresh salads downtown and I haven’t gotten into a flow of bringing food to last all day at my office. This leaves me collecting calories however I can – protein bars, fruit and nuts. I’m eating okay, but not getting the right nutritional balance.

Then when I get home, I’m usually hungry for dinner, which means I’m moody and impatient which is unfair to Lena and Benjamin, and then I devour whatever quick fixes I can find in the fridge before dinner – usually cheese. This stems my appetite right away, but the dairy has lactose, which is a sugar, so in effect I’m injecting carbohydrates into my system on an empty stomach, exasperating the problem.

3 – Improving my sleep

I’ve been cutting back on caffeine during the day the past few weeks. I wake up with a coffee at home, then grab another downtown – a coffee with a shot of espresso in the early AM. I drink about a third to a half right away, and the rest lasts me into the early afternoon.  At times, I’ll go back for a half-caff refill in the afternoon, and other days I don’t.  For context, I was drinking a full coffee in the afternoon, sometimes as late as 4pm, which had to affect to my sleep.

In early March, I battled insomnia for a stretch. I’d get to sleep okay, but then would wake up around 1am and be unable to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. This happened 4-5 days a week for a couple of weeks. Even with a solid training regimen, I wasn’t sleeping through the night. I was in Laguna Beach a couple weeks ago and knocked out a two-hour, 10-mile trail run with some gnarly hills, and still couldn’t sleep that night. Really frustrating.

My sleep is back to normal, and even better than before, and I want to keep it that way.

4 – Addressing stiffness and soreness   

Since first injuring my hamstring in mid-January, I’ve been unable to recapture the fluidity and flow from early in the year. I had worked up to a 15-mile run with pickups and felt I was on my way to at last toeing the line at the Badger Mountain 100. Since then, I injured the same hamstring twice more – once a week later, and again two weeks after that, so recovering took me into March.  I used the injury as an opportunity to focus on upper body weight-training and Cross-Fit conditioning.

But… I’ve been feeling stiff and sore across various body parts – calves, hamstrings, knees, ankles and shoulders. I using the diet as addition by subtraction to see if there’s anything in my diet that might be affected my recovery time.

5 – Changing my mindset

This is the most important reason.

Along with the injuries and general stiffness, I’ve been lacking intensity in my weekly workout schedule. We’re in the middle of a home remodel, with our the house now completely torn apart for two weeks. Boxes and plastic are everywhere.

I’m out of my evening mobility routine because I don’t have a place to stretch… The contractors are using the garage so I can’t work out there.

Bzzzzt… That’s a lie. I could easily go out to the garage, and instead I’ve been opting to use the house as a excuse for why I can’t put in the time.

Same with work. The past 4-5 weeks have been incredibility busy with travel, day trips to San Francisco and bringing aboard new clients. More excuses. One of my basic rules is to “Put your Self first,” and I haven’t been doing this.

Changing my diet means that I’m doing more to plan out my days and weeks, and it’s a focus on my entire body. In fact, I just paused from this post to book an appointment with my sports chiropractor to evaluate the aches and pain. Next, I requested an appointment with my family doctor to talk about my ongoing left leg tendon issues and some weirdness in my right ear.

See? Mindset changes behavior.

Right now, I’m midday of Day Two, and feeling okay. I knocked out a seven-mile run and have some acceptable snacks to keep me rolling through the day. Next goal is to get to dinner without breaking, then I can make it through the second day.

I’ll keep you posted.

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